How did I learn Teaching Self Government?
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In the year 1998, my husband decided to make a career change which involved lower pay and additional schooling. We had already decided that I needed to stay home to raise our two children, so we didn’t exactly know how we were going to meet the needs of our growing family. I appealed to a higher power for direction and, by providence, was led to the Utah Youth Village in Salt Lake City, Utah. I had never thought of doing foster care before, but knew that at this time I was meant to, to provide for my family and support my husband.
After getting hired by the Youth Village, as we called it, we were required to complete an intensive training and become certified on their system of foster care and what they called, “The Teaching Family ” which they instructed us was developed by Boys Town.
After the first night of instruction from the Youth Village I felt that quite a few missing pieces had been inserted into the parenting gaps that I didn’t even realize I had. I was immediately free from emotional anxieties. I remember the conversations that my husband and I had on our one hour car rides in and out of Salt Lake City every night to these classes. We were amazed at the difference this style of communication was already making in our lives. We were talking more effectively with each other, and our children seemed to understand us better even though they were only ages three and one. My son, who had refused to potty train all of the sudden felt the desire to try, and within a few weeks, he was completely trained. I know that this is because there was immediately a different feeling in our home. He was open to change because he felt more secure. If homes have a hostile or stressed feeling all of the time, children become insecure and protect anything that they feel they have control over, even to the point of adding more frustration to the parents and themselves. This is what had unconsciously happened in regard to potty training and many other things in our home. I was amazed that it had really all boiled down to basic communication skills and self discipline. Life, and our home for that matter, hasn’t been the same since those Youth Village trainings.
A few years later a friend approached me to teach a homeschool support group meeting on the subject, and I have been speaking about effective parenting every since.
That's the summarized version.
Nicholeen
I want to share "The
I want to share "The Haroldsen Family Song" that I wrote the night after the seminar. Our family talked about creating a mission statement, but since that is going to take some time, I wanted something 'right now!' to pull us into the right frame of mind. I penned these words to be sung to the tune of "America the Beautiful." We sing it together often and it has even stopped a couple of sibling fights. Enjoy!
The Haroldsens, the Haroldsens
Our family we adore!
We work and play in harmony
And love forevermore.
With happy hearts and helping hands
We learn and serve and grow.
With faith and hope and charity
We'll conquer every foe!
Your seminar was so
Your seminar was so inspiring! Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience.
I have been wanting to quit lecturing my kids since it's not effective, but I didn't know what to replace it with since I don't want to resort to yelling or spanking. You gave us some great tools, and we have had some good experiences working through sodas together and practicing following instructions. You have helped us start down a better parenting path.
Something that seems simple
Something that seems simple and present-day grows into a bigger picture than you origionally saw at the beginning. I was trying to explain what I've learned from you to some friends in a nutshell. They are familiar with Love and Logic. I said that while the information from Love and Logic is very helpful, I now have the tools to 'not yell', and respectfully problem solve. You have given tools and shown me how to use them!! I've never gotten that from Love and Logic (side note: I haven't taken their 7 week course either).
Kaisie:)
What a pivotal moment in your
What a pivotal moment in your parenting! I hope you can continue to rub off on me!
Nicholeen, Thank you for such
Nicholeen,
Thank you for such an inspiring, truth-filled seminar last Saturday in Herriman. It was so wonderful and my husband and I were both instantly on board.
I am in need of some help with my 9 year old son. He is a major doddler, and always has been. I am a very efficient person and try to get things done as quickly as possible. See the conflict already? It takes gobs of time for him to do simple things like get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, read his books, and other things that are very simple. He'll start the task, but then literally just start walking around the house in circles, just doing nothing in particular except doddling. I don't think it's entirely intentional--most of the time it seems like he just can't help it. But, it is such a point of frustration for me, I just don't know what to do about it. Sometimes setting a timer and giving a reward at the end works, but sometimes nothing works. I remind, encourage, nag, yell (bad mommy!), beg, plead, incent, but I just can't stand over him and keep him on task every second of the day. Do you have any experience with this? I would just love and appreciate any possible suggestions! I'm nearing my wit's end with this problem. We need a good, lasting solution.
Thank you so much!
-Sarah McKay
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