Changing Parenting Styles ~The Honeymoon
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...We just started this approach to parenting a few weeks ago, and while the first couple of weeks went well because the kids all loved the praise and even the novelty of picking jobs out of a jar, we’ve hit this bump where most are dawdling, and adding another chore that just doesn’t get done doesn’t seem effective so we’ve started losing privileges for unfinished work. Granted, they are ages 8 and under, and perhaps I need to keep teaching the jobs rather than assume they know since I taught them once or twice. Thanks so much for sharing, both of you! I’m learning so much!
Keep up the good work! You went through your honeymoon stage and now you have hit the part where the children are hoping you will lose your consistency. They are testing to see if you are really going to stick to your new family government system. Keep talking about your vision and Stay consistent.
I have found that dawdling only continues to be a problem if the parents get lax in making sure all the steps to following instructions happens. Be sure to stay consistent. If they don’t do it immediately or ask to disagree appropriately then they are not following instructions. And, if they don’t check back they aren’t either. Also, make sure to praise for all instructions followed. Praise encourages everyone to remember the chores.
Also, keep in mind that the main reason children don’t follow through is because of anxiety about how long the chore could take. Sometimes do timed chores. Say, okay we have five minutes to do this, then praise getting it done on time, and assure them that they don’t ever need to take a long time on that particular chore again. Help them decrease anxiety.
Best Wishes!
Thanks so much, Nicholeen,
Thanks so much, Nicholeen, for replying so quickly! I know you've got to be SO busy! I think I need to review how (and when) to do the rule of 3 and keep our tolerances much lower. I'll try the timer approach, because I think it is the fear that it will take them ALL day that makes them dawdle... cuz it could, and it has, when they drag their feet. But I've broken the jobs into small enough bits that really should all be possible to do in 5 minutes, ten tops if they're being super detailed. Thanks again!
Tatiana, The honeymoon
Tatiana,
The honeymoon period is very normal. It usually last for about two weeks, then they test the system to see if you are really serious. This is when things get harder for a few days to weeks. Usually someone has to lose their privileges for 24 hours. After this the children see they really get to choose their own happiness and that working as a family is the best option for happiness for all. Then the family life gets really good. So, plan on it taking a few weeks to start feeling that the changes are going to last. Be patient, and consistent, and the whole family will progress wonderfully.
Oh, gosh, I hope this time so
Oh, gosh, I hope this time so far for us hasn't been the honeymoon! =) I was counting on it getting a lot easier.
Over the years we have used a
Over the years we have used a number of different approaches to chores. The most success for children's room we checklist posted on the back of the door, light cleaning - daily and heavy cleaning weekly, We have used other approaches for the general house. We used the family council to discuss our goal was to have a House of God like the Temple that was not dirty and messy. We discussed job and when we were old enough and STRONG enough, Skilled enough to do the tasks. It became a rite of passage to do some jobs.
Nicoleen, I love the idea of
Nicoleen, I love the idea of timing a chore for 5 minutes. Some of my children get so overwhelmed by the prospect of a big chore that they refuse to even start (and then earn more chores...), even though I know they could get it done in 5 minutes if they would just try.
Thanks for another great idea!
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