"How do you take away all privileges from younger kids? My 3.5 year old is really pushing… This post was the first time I really understood the “lose all privileges for 24 hours” thing. I can figure out how to do that with my 6 and 8 year olds, but the younger ones, I just can’t see it. Can you give me a visual please?
"I have two boys ages 7 and 4. My 7yo has developed a couple problems: stealing and lying. I think that I/we have been making the problem worse in the way we have handled it. We also have a HUGE problem with not minding. He is a very stubborn child and will not help us when trying to come up with consequences for his actions. He says either, "I don't know" or "give me a spanking" or something like that. Those are NOT working, he seems to get worse with each consequence.
"Help! I’ve been browing your website for a couple of days. Trying to find some answers- If I had the $ I’d be sending for the cd’s. But it’s not in the budget right now. I’m totally at my wits end with my 6 yr old.
I don’t know what else to do. He is ADHD- We’ve had him in with a counselor, and I have an appointment to talk about meds this afternoon. I don’t want to do meds for adhd, but I have to try something, because everything I’ve tried isn’t working. He’s only 6! I really don’t want to do meds, but I don’t know what else to try.
Two days ago my son set up all of his little army figures in army formation and came to me and said, "Mom, will you play army with me?"
The first thought I had was, 'I can't right now, because I am trying to get this canning done.'
The second thought I had was, 'maybe I can play for just a few minutes to say that I did and then get back to the canning.'
Luckily, I didn't act upon any of those thoughts.
I looked at the army guys and looked at my son's face. I realized that army is not a fast game, and it isn't meant to be. It's meant to be a game where you figure strategy, and di
"With young children like my 3 yr old, I am very tempted to give at least one reminder, another chance, before they get a consequence. So if he starts to whine and say no to an instruction, I remind him of each of the steps and encourage him to do them. Is this teaching him that it is ok to whine first and not to start out with the appropriate response? Or is it just pre-teaching? Is there a limit to how many times pre-teaching should happen? How can I tell if I am trying to govern him or just pre-teaching and giving him a chance to understand what choice he is making?"
"Do you have a way for your kids to earn money? Could you elaborate on that?"
There was a time when we paid our children an allowance of sorts. Each child had a calendar. Their consequence for a minor offense was an X on the day of the calendar. After 5 Xs in a day, they lost their privileges for the day. Each day they automatically earned 50 cents because they were part of our family. For each X they earned, 10 cents was subtracted from the day's totals. Every Friday dad would come home with cash and the children would total their charts and report to dad fo
"I'm having trouble figuring out a good consequence beyond time out for my 3 yr old. He and his brother who just turned 6 share a room. I gave them an instruction to clean their room this morning, and he left the room to play with toys before it was done. I told him, just now I told you to clean your room, and you said ok, and then you didn't do it. You left your brother to do it all alone. That makes it take a long time for your room to get done, and then it takes a long time before you can have breakfast! You chose not to clean so we need to have a time out. He went into
"I'm trying to figure out how to make this work for my 3 year old. He is very high spirited, very defiant and REALLY can't take no for an answer. I struggle minute to minute with obedience and with whining and I worry that if I did things the same way I do them with my older children, only using time-outs, he would be in time-out constantly. Actually I don't know if he would ever make it into time out if I waited for him to be calm first.
A 10.5 year old who doesn't like to follow instructions.
"When it comes to the 24 hours of no privileges, how does that work in your house? I was reading your blog today and you said in your post about the 13 year old boy who doesn't want to get on board that they shouldn't be allowed to just hole up in their room away from the rest of the family, but I have found for my son that sending him to sit on his bed is the most effective thing I have tried. I don't know how to remove privileges if I can't isolate him somehow."
Consequences are so individual. I don't expe