Cause and Effect
Can Too Much Friend Time Hurt Children?
Submitted by Nicholeen on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 00:51
"Nicholeen, can my child have too much friend time? I have noticed that he begs for it all the time, but doesn't really want to play with his brothers and sisters that much. What should I do?"
As many of you know, in my Audio seminar and book, Parenting A House United, I talk about how children usually tell you exactly what they don't need by asking for it all the time.
Just like if my child keeps begging me for junk food, I know he needs health
Parenting Help: Don't Do It For Them
Submitted by Nicholeen on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 09:56
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How often do you pick up the slack for your child? Do you ask them to do a task and find out later that you have to finish it or correct it because it wasn't completed properly? What do you do when you find out the task wasn't done? Most parents just do it themselves adopting the attitude that “if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.”
Practicing The Right Way: Cause And Effect Parenting For Toddlers Who Hit And Others
Submitted by Nicholeen on Mon, 09/06/2010 - 01:16
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Cause and effect is learned more effectively when the consequences, positive and negative, are practiced first. The example below is geared toward a parent with a toddler, but the principles can be applied to all ages and situations which need to be practiced and understood more.
“My two year old daughter likes to hit. She hits me, she hits my husband and she even hit’s the baby. No matter what I do nothing seems to work. Reasoning doesn’t really work with a two year old, so I am at a loss for what to do about this. I know I need to do something.”
Teenage Attitude Problems
Submitted by Nicholeen on Tue, 08/17/2010 - 02:27
This last week my twelve year old daughter had an attitude problem a number of times in one day. This is very unusual for her and definitely had me analyzing her and the day. She earned negative consequences many times and we had talks about the situations and practiced how she could have handled them better. I really focused on seeking to understand. At one point, after she was calmed down I initiated a conversation to discuss her possible need for more sleep. During this conversation she said, "I just feel like no one really understands. I bet you hav
Teaching Honesty: What About Gray Area?
Submitted by Nicholeen on Wed, 07/07/2010 - 01:47
"Just wondering what you do when a child denies doing something like this even though you know it was them or else they try to deceive you about it even though they know that no punishment will be given out for their mistake or wrongdoing if they are honest about it. How do you confront them and have them face up to their failures and take responsibility for their actions? My ds10 will get defensive whenever he does something wrong or makes a mistake he then will usually compound this by trying to lie or deceive his way out of it to save face. We end up punishing him for the lying and deceit when really it should have be a non issue if he had just been honest.""Any suggestions?"
There are three steps to handling this situation.
Step one; Make sure you are not accusing, but that you look and feel safe to talk to.
Step two: Pre-teach the situation before you say anything............."Right now _________ just happened. I am going to ask you about your actions. If you choose to be honest about your actions you will not earn any negative consequences. (or you could have a positive consequence in place for being honest) However, if you are not honest then you will choose to earn
Calm In A Hurry? ~Parenting Help
Submitted by Nicholeen on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 01:28
The opposite of calm is hurry. If you feel like you have to hurry all the time, then you will never be calm. Also, if you feel like you have to hurry through your teaching interactions with your children then you will also have a harder time staying calm. Don't let your desire for being efficient ruin your ability to be calm. The great philosopher William Jordan said:
The first sermon in the world was preached at the Creation. It was a
Divine protest against Hurry. It was a Divine object lesson of perfect
law, perfect plan, perfect order, perfect method. Six days of work
carefully planned, scheduled and completed were followed by,--rest.
“Mom is on the phone” ~Discipline Problem
Submitted by Nicholeen on Sat, 05/15/2010 - 01:26
“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice. I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together. Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort. I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long. It's hard to discipline when you are nursing the baby.
I know I have a bit of post-pardom and always feel like I am always nursing the baby or disciplining my children. I have felt discouraged with my 3 boys behavior and realize some of their actions comes from mom spending so much time with the new little one. Do you have any tips or suggestions for me on how to best help teach my boys and solve the problems.”
J You hit a common discipline problem right on the head. I would like to meet a mother who can have a 30 minute phone conversation and not have things fall apart a little bit. My one hopeful thought to you is that as they grow, they learn to live without you for 30 minutes, or more. ;)
Nursing a baby is also a hard one. I have been there too.
Life Advice With Self-Government Principles: Teaching Self-Government to Anyone, Not Just Children
Submitted by Nicholeen on Mon, 04/05/2010 - 21:36
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My friend Jason Alba sent me this link to a great article about inspiring self-government in people in your community or sphere of influence.
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/51538
"...I hope you will discipline yourselves and your fellow students. This request is in keeping with my commitment to self-government for students. It should not be up to me to enforce proper behavior that signifies the intelligence of Duke students. You should do it. Reprove those who make us all look bad. Shape up your own language..." -Duke President Terry Sanford
The whole thing is really worth reading. I hope you take the chance.
Coach Sanford did some great things here. He
Television clips from today ~Parenting Tips
Submitted by Nicholeen on Fri, 03/12/2010 - 18:07
Today we had a great day with Debbie and Ron on The KJZZ morning show hosted by KUTV2 news station. Below are the links to the two segments we appeared in. Today's topic was consequences and how to choose them.
Segment one: http://connect2utah.com/content/fulltext/?cid=79502
Segment Two: http://connect2utah.com/media_player.php?media_id=119902
Parenting Adult Children ~Narcissism Personality Disorder
Submitted by Nicholeen on Wed, 01/20/2010 - 21:25
Nicholeen,
Do you have any hope (techniques we can use) for Narcissist to change? I am dealing with a 50 year old son who we have diagnosed (finally) and he is wearing us out emotionally and financially.
Thank you so much,
When I think about this situation I can't help but ponder on the word "control."He wants control of his life and is going about it all wrong............you want to have more control, or influence, over him and he is not a child anymore, despite how he is acting, so you can't have it by taking it. There is a principle I believe in..............No one is able to really control anyone but herself.
However, this doesn't mean that you can't still have influence on your son. It just means that it is much more
