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"I am not sure how you do it But when I feel like I am really struggling with a problem or behavior from my children, it seems like you address it. Thank you for your insights and solutions.…(more)
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Using the Four Basics
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Recent Blog Posts
Too many reminders?
Submitted by Nicholeen on Fri, 08/08/2008 - 06:14
"With young children like my 3 yr old, I am very tempted to give at least one reminder, another chance, before they get a consequence. So if he starts to whine and say no to an instruction, I remind him of each of the steps and encourage him to do them. Is this teaching him that it is ok to whine first and not to start out with the appropriate response? Or is it just pre-teaching? Is there a limit to how many times pre-teaching should happen? How can I tell if I am trying to govern him or just pre-teaching and giving him a chance to understand what choice he is making?"
Rationales that Matter
Submitted by Nicholeen on Wed, 08/06/2008 - 05:10
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“Coming up with rationales that matter to my kids is very difficult for me! Do you have any tips on this?”
Longer Meetings?
Submitted by Nicholeen on Wed, 08/06/2008 - 01:43
"I just thought I would mention that our meetings often go over 20 minutes but my kids still look forward to them. They love picking the family activity, they like problem solving too.
Depression and Pouting
Submitted by Nicholeen on Sun, 08/03/2008 - 06:03
1.
Earning Money...
Submitted by Nicholeen on Sat, 08/02/2008 - 07:17
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"Do you have a way for your kids to earn money? Could you elaborate on that?"
There was a time when we paid our children an allowance of sorts. Each child had a calendar. Their consequence for a minor offense was an X on the day of the calendar. After 5 Xs in a day, they lost their privileges for the day. Each day they automatically earned 50 cents because they were part of our family. For each X they earned, 10 cents was subtracted from the day's totals. Every Friday dad would come home with cash and the children would total their charts and report to dad fo
It's the truth!
Submitted by Nicholeen on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 04:54
Category:
A wise friend of mine sent me this in an email.
"It is amazing how staying away from friends makes all the difference with children. WE had a week like that last week, and now the children are getting along much better. Wow, life is ever so interesting."
I think it speaks for itself, but it is a great reminder
Fights? continued
Submitted by Nicholeen on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 17:10
Category:
"...so in the course of asking from youngest to oldest their account of what happened, do their accounts factor in the consequences they receive? Because all of them are disrupting the family feeling and not communicating well with each other, so because of that they earn a consequence. But what if one was more a victim and one was more of a perpetrator (based on what you can deduct from their stories)? I guess I am wondering if there is a purpose to hearing their stories other than letting them feel heard and calm down, or if the content of their stories re
Fights?
Submitted by Nicholeen on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 08:02
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"When your kids are fighting, do you try to instruct them in the middle of that? I often try to intervene but maybe too often - they don't seem to be learning to problem solve with each-other rather than tattling and trying to get Mom to settle things in their favor. I honestly don't know what would happen if I let my kids continue to fight until it blows over or comes to blows, I usually step in and separate them before I can see how they would solve the problem. I know they are generally out of instructional control when they are fighting, so anything I tell them at that poi
Respectful play
Submitted by Nicholeen on Tue, 07/29/2008 - 05:57
"I have an 8 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. One of the most frustrating things for me is when I’m trying to talk to my boys and give instructions and they ignore me by rough housing with each other or by joking and laughing at each other or at me. What do you do when you ask them to do something in a kind, yet serious way, and they say “no” or laugh and joke around? I feel like they are showing no respect for me in this situation and I get very frustrated and even angry.
Getting Started
Submitted by Nicholeen on Mon, 07/28/2008 - 18:27
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"I was just wondering, when trying to set up this type of family government for the first time, does it take several family meetings before you can actually implement it? You talk about how each meeting shouldn't be longer than 20 minutes, but if I'm understanding properly, to begin we need to talk about a family vision, come up with a mission statement, teach everyone the four basic skills (and practice them), and create a family standard...all the things seem to build on each other, so it sounds like it would take longer than twenty minutes to go through all of it properly bef
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